Have you ever heard the phrase “when it rains it pours”? The same is true of negativity. Negativity breeds more negativity. If you are finding that you and your spouse can fight about what the color of the sky is, it is just become habit. A downward spiral in your relationship can be hard and fast. Soon you find yourself not talking, and then you are headed for divorce court. If you want to find a way to stop the fighting you have to change your own behaviors. There is one thing that is certain, you can only control one person, and that is you. If the ways that you are relating to your significant other aren’t working, they aren’t going to suddenly start. If you make subtle changes in the way that you relate to your partner, they will respond in kind. Soon you will notice that things are on the way back up.
Try these strategies to fix your fighting problems
Take one day at a time
If you used to fight every six months, then 3 months, and now it is pretty much every day, don’t assume that you can go back to the six months instantly. It is going to take a while to get things worked out and to change your habits. Try not to think too much about the future, rather take it day by day. If you can make it through one day successfully, s hoot for two, and so on. Soon you won’t have to count the days in your head, you will just feel comfort knowing that a fight isn’t going to ensue daily.
Listen without memory
What does that mean? Listen to your partner without bringing in past events. Try as hard as you can to not think about all the past fights or times when they have hurt you. Approach each situation as if it is completely new and different from the others. Carrying a backpack of past fights, or keeping score, isn’t going to help you with anything. It only makes the likelihood that resolution will be found that much less. Listen to what your partner has to say without bringing up things in your past.
Watch your tone
If you get incensed quickly, that will intensify the feelings that both of you are experiencing. By keeping a calm head about you, you may be able to make it through a discussion without it turning into an argument. There are subtle things that we all do when we are confronted with a treat which brings out a side of us that we don’t even see coming. Your partner is probably more aware of what is going to happen than you are, by the cues that you are sending. Watch the way that you are talking. Don’t talk down to your partner, be sarcastic, or be overly emotional. That won’t help the situation, it will only insure that it will explode into a fight.
Assume the best
When you are in a fighting cycle you have a tendency to always assume the worst from the other. You are constantly anticipating that the person is trying to intentionally irritate or hurt you. In coming to any conversations with assumptions of motives, it brings on an emotional component that never leads to anything good. Always try to assume that your significant other loves you and is doing what they do with the best of intentions. When you try to see it in a positive light you are less likely to be accusatory or “prepissed” before the discussion even begins.
Don’t be prepissed
What does that mean? That means that we often get angry before we need to, or before there is cause. When you wake up in a bad mood, you are probably already looking for things to go wrong. That is prepissed. It means constantly waiting for your spouse to make you angry. That puts you on high alert and insures that daily you can find something wrong. Try not to be angry before something even happens. Resentment is what leads to being prepissed, let go of past hurts to avoid future ones.
Go for a walk, or take a break
Sometimes we react too quickly. If you take a time out before things get out of hand you can clear your head. That makes it easier to decide if this is really something you want to tackle. There are times when, if you have a moment or two to really think about things, you can see them in a different light. If you react before you consider, it is never a good situation. Take the time to think before you react to avoid continual conflict. You have to pick your battles, and if that is all you are doing, you aren’t picking them right.